The ALIEN

I think of it (metastatic, stage 4 breast cancer) as "a visiting alien from planet cancer" who avoids extermination because of its superior estrogen positive (ER+) alien technology and need to feed. It returned because it wanted to be close to me like some clingy lover I rejected, who has since become a sinister stalker that I cannot escape. Radiation therapy is complete (36 days), blood work and CT scans are finished, doctors visits are a wrap, results have been verified. The alien is gone.  No more 'mass lesion' according to the guy who interprets my CT scans. Maybe the little buggar is gone for good, but I thought that before too. Monitoring of the chest wall site every three months by CT scans and blood work will be my new normal for many years. I am back on the aromatase inhibitor pill once a day to keep my body's estrogen levels at, or near, zero. This little pill's chemical component is starving the alien so it is a good pill. I know what this chemical can do and how it will make me feel, so I have evaluated what aches and pains I can deal with and how to adapt to any discomfort. It should be easier this time. I now find I can tolerate a lot more pain if I concentrate on blocking the sensations mentally. I refuse to give in to swallowing pain meds (for temporary relief) every time I get a twinge. It's difficult for me to believe that the "tumor" is truly dissolved or dead or whatever happens to it after radiation therapy. But, I will relax for now and enjoy my oncologist's current diagnosis. Soon I will return to my neurotic monitoring of any new lumps and bumps, just in case the alien returns.